the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
