holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize