i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
