Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
