Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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