I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
