he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
