we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
