your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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