omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
