You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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