you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
