You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
