We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Randomize
