David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
