So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
