One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
