strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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