I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize