North Korea, Best Korea!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
