Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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