ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
