I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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