Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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