Its about making memories worth repressing
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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