I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
