just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
