my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
