sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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