we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
