I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
