Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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