And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
