The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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