how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
