Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
