it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
