My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize