omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
