even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
