Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
