Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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