Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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