Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
