tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Boobs are out for the taking
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we should paint friendship bongs
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