So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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