we have pet lesbian snakes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Say something about gay babies.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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