Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
