I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize