the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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