We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
