She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
