He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize