I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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