Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
