let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize