i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
