Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
