so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love having hate sex.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize