Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
