Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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