Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
