She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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