I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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