All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
