OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
