I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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