He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
