You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize