My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
